In John 2, Jesus’ response to Mary at the wedding in Cana can sound disrespectful—“Woman, what does this have to do with me?” But when we look closer at the culture, language, and purpose of the moment, it becomes clear He wasn’t being rude. “Woman” was a respectful, formal term in that context, not an insult. Jesus was gently signaling that His mission was now directed by divine timing, not human expectations—even from His mother.
Mary’s response shows she wasn’t offended. Instead, she trusted Jesus completely, telling the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” This moment marks the beginning of Jesus’ public ministry and offers important lessons: trust in God’s timing, the importance of spiritual boundaries, and Jesus’ care for even the small details of life. Keep reading for a deeper dive into how this interaction reveals Jesus’ heart, His mission, and the kind of faith we’re called to have.
The Gospel of John chapter 2 tells a fascinating story: Jesus’ first miracle at a wedding in Cana, where He turns water into wine. But there’s a moment in the story that raises eyebrows. When Mary tells Jesus, “They have no more wine,” Jesus responds, “Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come” (John 2:4, ESV).
At first glance, this sounds harsh—even disrespectful. Was Jesus really being rude to His mother? Or is something deeper going on?
Let’s unpack this step-by-step so you can fully understand what’s happening here.
1. The Context: A Wedding and a Crisis
The setting is a wedding in Cana of Galilee (John 2:1-11). Mary is there, and Jesus and His disciples are also invited. During the celebration, the wine runs out. In Jewish culture, this would’ve been a serious embarrassment—hospitality was a huge deal. Running out of wine at a wedding wasn’t just inconvenient; it was shameful for the host.
Mary, Jesus’ mother, notices and brings the issue to Jesus:
“They have no more wine.” (John 2:3)
She doesn’t ask directly, but her intent is clear. She’s looking to Jesus to do something about it.
2. Jesus’ Response: “Woman, What Does This Have to Do with Me?”
Jesus replies:
“Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” (John 2:4)
This is the part that often throws people off. Let’s break it down.
a. “Woman” – Is That Disrespectful?
Calling someone “woman” sounds cold in modern English, but in ancient Jewish and Greco-Roman culture, it was not disrespectful. It was formal, but not rude.
In fact, Jesus uses the same word when He’s dying on the cross and lovingly says to Mary:
“Woman, behold your son!” (John 19:26)
That moment shows care, not contempt. So when Jesus says “woman” at the wedding, He’s not insulting her—He’s creating some emotional and spiritual distance, and here’s why.
b. Why Not “Mother”?
Jesus isn’t being cold. He’s signaling a shift. From here on, His mission is no longer tied to family expectations. He’s operating on God’s timeline, not human requests—even His mother’s.
By calling her “woman” instead of “mother,” Jesus is gently, but firmly, making this point: His miracles and ministry will be done on divine timing, not personal prompting.
c. “What Does This Have to Do with Me?”
This phrase, translated from Greek, can sound harsh in English. But it’s actually an idiom used in ancient times. A better way to hear it today might be:
“Why are you involving me in this right now?”
He’s not saying “don’t bother me.” He’s saying, “This isn’t my moment yet.”
d. “My Hour Has Not Yet Come”
Throughout the Gospel of John, “my hour” refers to the time of Jesus’ suffering, death, and glorification (John 7:30; 8:20; 12:23). So here, Jesus is saying that the full unveiling of His mission hasn’t started yet. He’s cautioning Mary that miracles aren’t just displays of power—they’re signs pointing to a deeper spiritual reality.
3. Mary’s Response: Faith, Not Offense
Here’s something crucial. Mary doesn’t argue. She doesn’t get offended. She doesn’t even respond to Jesus directly. Instead, she turns to the servants and says:
“Do whatever he tells you.” (John 2:5)
That one sentence says a lot. Mary clearly trusts Jesus. She may not fully understand His mission, but she knows enough to leave the outcome in His hands. She lets go of control and puts her faith in Him.
So if Mary wasn’t offended, should we be?
4. The Miracle: Water Turned into Wine
Jesus tells the servants to fill six large stone jars with water. Then He tells them to draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet. When they do, the water has become wine—excellent wine, in fact (John 2:9-10).
It’s Jesus’ first recorded miracle, and it’s quiet, not flashy. Only a few people know what happened: Mary, the disciples, the servants.
“This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory. And his disciples believed in him.” (John 2:11)
5. So Was Jesus Disrespectful?
No. Jesus wasn’t rude, and He certainly didn’t dishonor His mother. Here’s why:
- The term “woman” was polite, not insulting.
- His response clarified His divine mission, not personal rebellion.
- Mary didn’t take offense; she responded in trust.
- Jesus still performed the miracle—not on demand, but in line with God’s timing.
What we’re seeing here is not disrespect, but a turning point. Jesus is beginning His public ministry, and He’s doing it on God’s terms.
6. Lessons for Us Today
This story is packed with meaning, and here’s what you can take away:
a. God’s Timing is Key
Jesus didn’t act when Mary first hinted at the problem. He acted when the time was right. You might ask for something, pray for something, and feel like God is silent. But that doesn’t mean He’s ignoring you. It might just mean “your hour has not yet come.”
b. Honor Doesn’t Always Look Like Agreement
Jesus honored Mary, but He didn’t immediately do what she asked. Sometimes honoring someone means being clear about boundaries, especially when you’re following God’s calling.
c. Faith Means Letting Go
Mary didn’t push. She trusted. Her words—“Do whatever he tells you”—are a powerful model of faith. She knew Jesus would act, but she left the how and when up to Him.
d. Jesus Cares About the Details
This miracle isn’t raising the dead or healing the sick. It’s saving a family from public shame. That tells us something important: Jesus cares about your everyday life. If it matters to you, it matters to Him.
7. Final Thought
The interaction between Jesus and Mary in John 2 might seem strange at first, but when you dig in, it reveals a powerful truth: Jesus was never disrespectful—but He was always focused on doing the Father’s will.
And Mary? She understood that. She trusted Him, even when she didn’t fully grasp the plan.
So next time you read this passage, don’t read it with 21st-century ears. See it for what it is: the moment Jesus begins His mission—not by dismissing His mother, but by showing that even family must yield to the call of God.
And that’s a lesson worth remembering.
10 FAQs: Was Jesus Disrespectful to Mary in John 2? Understanding the Wedding at Cana
1. Was Jesus disrespectful to Mary in John 2?
No, Jesus wasn’t being disrespectful. When He said, “Woman, what does this have to do with me?” (John 2:4), He used a formal, polite term for “woman” common in that time. His response was a clear but respectful way to show that His ministry would follow God’s timeline—not family expectations.
2. Why did Jesus call Mary “woman” instead of “mother”?
In Jesus’ culture, “woman” was a respectful term. By using it, He was drawing a gentle boundary between His role as her son and His divine mission. This wasn’t cold—it marked the beginning of His public ministry.
3. What does “What does this have to do with me?” mean?
It’s a Greek idiom that means something like, “Why are you involving me in this?” Jesus wasn’t dismissing Mary but pointing out that the decision to act wasn’t based on human pressure. His miracles would be on God’s terms.
4. Was Mary offended by Jesus’ response?
Not at all. Mary trusted Jesus completely. After His response, she simply told the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” (John 2:5). Her faith and confidence in Him remained firm.
5. What did Jesus mean by “My hour has not yet come”?
“Hour” in the Gospel of John often refers to the time of Jesus’ suffering, death, and glorification. Jesus was saying that the full revealing of His identity and mission wasn’t yet at hand. Every action He took was guided by God’s timing.
6. Did Jesus still perform the miracle despite His initial response?
Yes. Jesus turned water into wine shortly after the conversation. This shows that while He clarified the timing of His mission, He still chose to act with compassion and purpose.
7. What lessons can we learn from this moment?
Several: trust in God’s timing, don’t mistake boundaries for disrespect, and know that Jesus cares even about the small, personal needs in your life. Mary’s faith and Jesus’ response both offer deep insight into how God works.
8. Why is the wedding at Cana significant?
It was Jesus’ first public miracle and a “sign” that revealed His glory (John 2:11). It set the tone for the rest of His ministry and helped His disciples begin to believe in Him.
9. Was Jesus rejecting Mary’s request?
Not exactly. He wasn’t rejecting her—He was redefining the terms. He wouldn’t act just because she asked; He would act when the Father led Him to. But in this case, the Father clearly allowed it.
10. How should we understand Jesus’ tone in this passage today?
It’s important to read the Bible through the lens of its original culture. What may sound sharp to us today was actually respectful and purposeful then. Jesus’ words weren’t harsh—they were intentional and full of meaning.
