An unforgiving person is someone who clings to anger, resentment, and hurt—often as a way to protect themselves from future pain or maintain a sense of control. While it may seem justified in the moment, unforgiveness can quietly damage both emotional and physical health, creating stress, anxiety, and fractured relationships. It often stems from deep emotional wounds, fear, pride, or a lack of empathy. Left unchecked, it becomes a heavy burden, harming the one holding the grudge more than the person who caused the pain.
Jesus taught that forgiveness is essential—not just for restoring relationships, but for our own spiritual growth and freedom. His parable of the unforgiving servant and words in Matthew 6:14-15 show that we are called to release others just as God has released us. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the hurt; it means choosing healing over bitterness. If you’ve ever struggled to forgive, you’re not alone—and there’s hope. Keep reading for a deeper dive into the reasons behind unforgiveness, practical steps to move forward, and the lasting peace that forgiveness can bring.
Have you ever met someone who just can’t seem to let go of a grudge? Someone who holds on to past wrongs and refuses to forgive? There’s a word for that type of person: unforgiving. But let’s dive deeper into what it really means to be unforgiving, why it happens, and how it affects both the person who won’t forgive and those around them.
Understanding Unforgiveness
What Does It Mean to Be Unforgiving?
An unforgiving person holds on to anger, resentment, and bitterness long after an offense has occurred. They find it difficult, if not impossible, to let go of their negative feelings and move on. This isn’t just a minor annoyance; it can deeply impact their relationships and overall well-being.
Why Do People Become Unforgiving?
People become unforgiving for various reasons. Sometimes, the hurt caused by the offense is so deep that letting go feels impossible. Other times, holding on to anger gives a person a sense of control or power over the situation. Here are a few common reasons:
- Deep Hurt: When someone experiences profound emotional pain, it can be incredibly hard to forgive.
- Lack of Empathy: Some people struggle to see things from another’s perspective, making forgiveness difficult.
- Fear of Being Hurt Again: Forgiving someone can feel like opening oneself up to more pain.
- Pride: Holding a grudge can sometimes be a matter of pride, where admitting forgiveness feels like admitting defeat.
The Impact of Unforgiveness
Unforgiveness doesn’t just affect relationships; it takes a toll on the person holding the grudge too. Studies have shown that holding on to anger and resentment can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems like high blood pressure and a weakened immune system.
Biblical Perspective on Forgiveness
Jesus’ Teachings on Forgiveness
The Bible is clear on the importance of forgiveness. Jesus emphasized this in many of his teachings. In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” This shows that forgiveness isn’t just beneficial for the other person; it’s crucial for your spiritual well-being too.
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
One of the most powerful stories about forgiveness in the Bible is the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:21-35). In this story, a king forgives a servant’s enormous debt, but that same servant refuses to forgive a small debt owed to him by another. When the king hears about this, he is furious and punishes the unforgiving servant. The lesson here is clear: if we expect forgiveness, we must be willing to forgive others.
The Path to Forgiveness
Recognize the Hurt
The first step towards forgiveness is recognizing and acknowledging the hurt. It’s important to understand and accept your feelings instead of burying them. This can involve talking about the experience with a trusted friend or therapist.
Empathize with the Offender
Try to see things from the other person’s perspective. This doesn’t mean you excuse their behavior, but understanding their motives can help you move towards forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes, and often people hurt others out of their own pain or ignorance.
Let Go of Anger
Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. It only harms you. Find healthy ways to release your anger, such as through exercise, meditation, or writing about your feelings.
Decide to Forgive
Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn’t mean forgetting the hurt or condoning the behavior, but deciding to release the negative emotions associated with it. This decision can be empowering and liberating.
Seek Closure
Sometimes, it’s helpful to seek closure by talking to the person who hurt you. This isn’t always possible or advisable, but if it is, a conversation can help both parties move forward. If a direct conversation isn’t possible, consider writing a letter that you may or may not send.
Benefits of Forgiveness
Emotional Freedom
Forgiving someone frees you from the chains of anger and bitterness. It allows you to reclaim your peace and happiness. You’re no longer bound by the past, and you can fully engage in the present.
Improved Relationships
When you forgive, you open the door to healing relationships. This doesn’t mean you have to reconcile with the person who hurt you, but it allows you to form healthier connections with others.
Better Health
As mentioned earlier, holding on to anger and resentment can harm your physical health. Forgiveness, on the other hand, can lead to lower stress levels, improved heart health, and a stronger immune system.
Spiritual Growth
Forgiveness is a key aspect of many spiritual traditions. In Christianity, it’s a reflection of God’s grace. By forgiving others, you grow closer to the divine and align yourself with spiritual teachings.
Conclusion
Being unforgiving can feel like a protective shield, but in reality, it only harms you. Letting go of grudges and embracing forgiveness is a powerful way to improve your emotional, relational, and physical health. Remember, forgiveness isn’t about excusing bad behavior or forgetting the hurt. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of anger and bitterness. Take the steps to recognize your hurt, empathize with the offender, let go of anger, decide to forgive, and seek closure. You’ll find that the journey to forgiveness is one of the most liberating and rewarding paths you can take.
So, if you find yourself struggling with unforgiveness, take a deep breath and remember the words of Jesus: “Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37). It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
FAQs: What Do You Call a Person Who Never Forgives?
1. What is an unforgiving person called?
An unforgiving person is simply referred to as “unforgiving.” They hold on to anger, resentment, and bitterness long after an offense has occurred, finding it difficult to let go and move on.
2. Why do people become unforgiving?
People become unforgiving for various reasons, including deep emotional hurt, lack of empathy, fear of being hurt again, and pride. Each individual’s experience and personality play a role in their ability to forgive.
3. What are the impacts of being unforgiving?
Unforgiveness can negatively affect relationships, causing ongoing conflict and emotional distance. It also impacts the unforgiving person’s well-being, leading to stress, anxiety, depression, and physical health problems such as high blood pressure and a weakened immune system.
4. What does the Bible say about forgiveness?
The Bible emphasizes the importance of forgiveness. Jesus teaches that forgiving others is crucial for receiving forgiveness from God (Matthew 6:14-15). The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:21-35) illustrates the consequences of refusing to forgive.
5. How can I start to forgive someone who has hurt me?
Begin by recognizing and acknowledging your hurt. Try to empathize with the offender, letting go of anger through healthy outlets like exercise or meditation. Decide to forgive, understanding that it’s a choice and a process. Seeking closure, whether through conversation or writing, can also help.
6. What are the benefits of forgiveness?
Forgiveness brings emotional freedom, improved relationships, better physical health, and spiritual growth. It allows you to release negative emotions, engage fully in the present, and align with spiritual teachings.
7. Is forgiveness the same as forgetting or excusing bad behavior?
No, forgiveness isn’t about forgetting the hurt or excusing the behavior. It’s about releasing the negative emotions associated with the offense, allowing you to move forward without being burdened by past wrongs.
8. How does holding on to anger affect my health?
Holding on to anger can lead to chronic stress, which negatively impacts your physical health. It can cause high blood pressure, weakened immune function, and increase the risk of mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
9. Can you forgive someone without reconciling with them?
Yes, forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation. You can forgive someone internally and choose to release your negative emotions without restoring the relationship, especially if it’s not safe or healthy to do so.
10. What if I find it hard to forgive?
It’s normal to find forgiveness difficult, especially if the hurt is deep. Take small steps, seek support from friends, family, or a therapist, and remember that forgiveness is a process that takes time. Reflect on the benefits and the teachings of forgiveness in your spiritual or personal beliefs to motivate you.
11. Are there any Bible verses that can help me with forgiveness?
Yes, several Bible verses emphasize forgiveness. Some key ones include Matthew 6:14-15, Luke 6:37, and Ephesians 4:32, which says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
12. What if the person who hurt me isn’t sorry?
Forgiveness doesn’t depend on the offender’s remorse. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of anger and resentment. You can choose to forgive for your own well-being, regardless of whether the other person seeks forgiveness.
By addressing these common questions, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what it means to be unforgiving, why forgiveness is important, and how to start the journey towards letting go and finding peace.
