Jesus permitted divorce not because it was ideal, but because of the hardness of human hearts—a deep stubbornness that leads to betrayal, abandonment, and irreparable damage in marriage. While God’s original design is for lifelong, faithful union, Jesus acknowledged that sin can so deeply fracture a relationship that divorce becomes a painful but necessary path. Scripture permits it specifically in cases of sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9) and abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15), showing that God’s justice and mercy are both at work in these difficult circumstances.
This isn’t about legalism—it’s about protecting the vulnerable and honoring God’s design, even when it breaks down. If you’re dealing with divorce, struggling to understand what Jesus really said, or just want clarity about biblical marriage, this article will give you a clear, compassionate foundation rooted in Scripture. Keep reading for a deeper dive into what “hardness of heart” really means—and what it means for you.
Divorce is one of the most painful and complicated issues in relationships. And if you’ve ever wondered what the Bible really says about it, especially Jesus’ take, you’re not alone. One of the most commonly quoted passages is where Jesus says divorce was allowed “because of the hardness of your hearts” (Matthew 19:8). But what does that really mean? Why would Jesus, who clearly valued lifelong commitment, make room for divorce at all?
Let’s break it down and look at what Jesus said, what the culture around Him understood, and why this still matters for you today.
Jesus on Divorce: The Context
In Matthew 19:3-9, Jesus is challenged by the Pharisees:
“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” (v.3)
They’re referring to Deuteronomy 24:1, where Moses permitted divorce if a man found “something indecent” in his wife. The Jewish rabbis argued about what “indecent” meant. Some said only sexual sin. Others said even burning dinner qualified. That’s how far it had gone.
Jesus responds:
“Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” (Matthew 19:8)
So, here’s the key: divorce wasn’t part of God’s original plan. But Moses allowed it—why? Because of people’s hardness of heart.
What Does “Hardness of Heart” Mean?
The Greek word used is “sklērokardia”, which literally means stubborn, unyielding, unteachable hearts. It’s the same idea as someone being emotionally or spiritually resistant—refusing to do what’s right, even when they know better.
This hardness:
- Rejects God’s design for marriage (Genesis 2:24 – “the two shall become one flesh”).
- Harms others through selfishness, infidelity, abuse, or neglect.
- Creates situations where reconciliation becomes impossible or even dangerous.
So, Jesus isn’t saying divorce is good. He’s saying it was a concession because of how broken people can become—so hardened that they refuse to love, forgive, or repent.
What Was God’s Original Plan?
Jesus takes the Pharisees (and us) back to the beginning:
“Haven’t you read… that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’… and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife…’?” (Matthew 19:4–5)
God’s design was simple:
- One man and one woman.
- United for life.
- No separation.
Jesus adds:
“What God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:6)
In other words, marriage is a covenant, not a contract. It’s supposed to reflect God’s unbreakable love for His people. But when hearts get hard, people break that covenant—and that’s where things go wrong.
When Is Divorce Permitted?
Jesus is very clear: divorce isn’t encouraged, but permitted in certain cases.
1. Sexual Immorality
“Anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9)
The word used here is “porneia”—a broad term that covers adultery, incest, prostitution, and other sexual sins. This is the one direct reason Jesus gives for a biblically permitted divorce.
Why this exception?
Because sexual betrayal deeply breaks the “one flesh” union of marriage. It’s not just a mistake—it’s a serious rupture that can make trust, safety, and restoration nearly impossible.
2. Abandonment by an Unbeliever
In 1 Corinthians 7:15, Paul adds another scenario:
“If the unbelieving partner leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances.”
This wasn’t Jesus’ direct teaching, but it’s inspired Scripture. If someone becomes a Christian and their unbelieving spouse wants out, they’re not forced to stay. Again, it’s about recognizing the brokenness of human will.
Divorce vs. Sin: Not All Divorce Is Equal
Let’s be clear: divorce is not the unforgivable sin.
But it is serious. Jesus warns that unjustified divorce leads to adultery (Matthew 5:32), because it breaks a sacred covenant.
At the same time, Scripture doesn’t treat all divorces the same. Here’s a quick breakdown:
| Type of Divorce | Biblical View |
| Divorce for selfish reasons (boredom, conflict) | Sinful |
| Divorce due to sexual immorality | Permitted |
| Divorce due to abandonment | Permitted |
| Divorce due to abuse or danger | Not explicitly mentioned, but principles of justice and protection suggest allowance |
God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), not because He hates divorced people, but because of the damage it causes. It wounds families, especially children. But He’s also compassionate and understands when staying is more damaging than leaving.
What About Remarriage?
This is where things get tricky. Jesus said remarriage after an unbiblical divorce amounts to adultery (Matthew 19:9). But if the divorce was for legitimate reasons—sexual sin or abandonment—many scholars and pastors believe remarriage is allowed.
Here’s the bottom line: remarriage should never be rushed, and it should never be used to escape problems that weren’t truly resolved. But it’s not off-limits for those who have divorced under biblical grounds.
Grace for the Brokenhearted
If you’re divorced, especially if it wasn’t your choice, you need to know this:
- God sees you.
- God still loves you.
- There’s grace, healing, and even restoration.
Jesus didn’t come to shame the broken. He came to bind up the brokenhearted (Isaiah 61:1). If your heart is tender and open to God—even if your past includes divorce—He can redeem your story.
5 Practical Takeaways
- God’s ideal is lifelong marriage, but He allows for divorce when hearts are too hard to reconcile.
- Hardness of heart refers to unrepentant sin that destroys relationships—especially sexual sin or abandonment.
- Jesus permitted divorce, but never encouraged it. It’s a last resort, not a first option.
- Remarriage may be possible, but only after a biblically valid divorce and with wise counsel.
- There’s grace for every story—whether you’re married, divorced, remarried, or single.
Final Thoughts
Jesus’ teaching on divorce isn’t just about rules—it’s about protecting people. When someone’s heart is so hard that they abuse, betray, or abandon their spouse, God doesn’t force the other person to stay and suffer forever. He makes room for justice. He makes room for healing.
So, if you’re facing divorce, healing from one, or trying to understand it better—remember this: Jesus came to bring truth, but also grace. He didn’t water down God’s standards, but He never withheld God’s mercy either.
Don’t be afraid to seek both.
Bible References Recap:
- Matthew 19:3–9 – Jesus on divorce and hardness of heart
- Deuteronomy 24:1 – Moses’ law on divorce
- Genesis 2:24 – God’s design for marriage
- 1 Corinthians 7:15 – Abandonment by an unbelieving spouse
- Malachi 2:16 – God hates divorce
- Isaiah 61:1 – Jesus heals the brokenhearted
If you found this helpful, share it or talk to someone who’s walking through a difficult season in marriage. Truth and compassion go hand in hand—and we all need both.
10 FAQs About The Hardness of Hearts: Why Jesus Permitted Divorce in Certain Circumstances
1. What does “the hardness of hearts” mean in Matthew 19:8?
The hardness of hearts refers to stubbornness and an unwillingness to repent, love, or honor God’s design for marriage. Jesus used this phrase to explain why Moses allowed divorce—because people’s hearts were too hardened to maintain a covenant relationship.
2. Why did Jesus permit divorce at all if God hates it?
Jesus permitted divorce in limited circumstances—specifically for sexual immorality—because of the damage caused by sin and betrayal. He acknowledged that while God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), He also understands the reality of broken relationships in a fallen world.
3. What is the one reason Jesus gives for divorce?
In Matthew 19:9, Jesus says divorce is permitted in cases of sexual immorality (Greek: porneia). This includes adultery and other forms of sexual betrayal that break the “one flesh” bond of marriage.
4. Is divorce allowed in cases of abuse?
While Jesus doesn’t explicitly mention abuse, the principle of protecting the vulnerable and the seriousness of unrepentant sin suggest that abuse is a legitimate reason to separate—and potentially divorce—especially when safety is at risk.
5. Can a Christian divorce a non-believing spouse who leaves?
Yes. 1 Corinthians 7:15 says if an unbelieving spouse abandons a believing partner, the believer is “not bound.” This gives biblical grounds for divorce in cases of abandonment by an unbelieving partner.
6. Does the Bible allow remarriage after divorce?
Remarriage is permitted after a biblically valid divorce (e.g., due to sexual immorality or abandonment). However, remarriage after an unbiblical divorce is considered adultery, according to Jesus in Matthew 19:9.
7. Is divorce a sin?
Divorce itself is not always a sin, but it’s a serious consequence of sin—either by one or both spouses. Not all divorce is sinful, but it always involves pain and brokenness that God never intended.
8. What does Jesus say about remarriage after divorce?
Jesus says remarriage after an unbiblical divorce is adultery (Matthew 5:32, 19:9). But in cases where divorce was justified biblically, many believe remarriage is allowed without sin.
9. Does God forgive divorce?
Absolutely. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin. When someone repents and turns back to God, He offers grace, healing, and restoration—no matter their marital past.
10. What should I do if I’m struggling in my marriage?
Seek help early. Talk to a trusted pastor, counselor, or Christian mentor. God’s desire is for healing and restoration, but when a relationship is destructive or unsafe, don’t stay silent—there’s wisdom and support for your situation.
